Is It Normal to Have Doubts About Your Relationship?

I’d like to start by setting your mind at ease and saying that it’s natural for doubts to arise from time to time and they can appear for lots of different reasons. 

It’s important to recognise that having doubts in a relationship doesn’t necessarily indicate a problem either. Instead, they can be treated as a good opportunity to look inward and reflect on what these feelings might mean. 

In this article, we will explore relationship red flags, common doubts, secure characteristics; so you know if you’re in the right relationship, and how to overcome these doubts so you can feel more like yourself again and look forward to a happy future together. 

Relationship Red Flags

Although it’s normal to have doubts, certain red flags should not be ignored. For example if you have consistent feelings of mistrust, disrespect, manipulation, or abuse then it might be an indication that things need to change in order for you to feel more secure. 

In these cases it’s crucial to seek support from friends or family, and even a professional who can provide guidance and help you navigate the situation.

Common Relationship Doubts

Many people experience what is commonly known as imposter syndrome in their relationships. This refers to the feeling of being inadequate or undeserving of the love and happiness you receive from your partner. 

This self-doubt can stem from personal insecurities, comparing yourself to others, or feeling like you are in some way doing things wrong and that things should come more naturally to you.

Imposter syndrome can therefore lead to doubts about your own compatibility, worthiness of love, or fear of being discovered as a fraud. 

It’s crucial to remember that these feelings are common and that recognising that these doubts are not necessarily based on any truth or facts, can help alleviate some of the anxiety associated with them.


Secure Characteristics

One effective way to overcome relationship doubts, including imposter syndrome, is to recognise what a secure relationship should look like.

Secure people possess certain characteristics that enable them to have healthier, more fulfilling relationships. 

Here’s my top 5 characteristics to look out for. 

1️⃣ Your partner isn’t overly worried about your relationship. They don’t seem to stress about the everyday things about how you get on and are generally accepting of your major personality traits. 

2️⃣ They don’t get easily upset over relationship matters either. This is really about having those occasional arguments and working through them, rather than assuming that every disagreement might be the last argument you ever have and you’re doomed to break up. 

3️⃣ Your partner effectively communicates their needs and feelings, but equally they are really good at reading your feelings and responding to them too. 

4️⃣ Your partner is comfortable with intimacy and closeness. This means that they’re usually warm and loving and don’t seem to show any fear of abandonment, when you’re at work or out with friends. 

5️⃣ And the 5th and final key characteristic that you want to have as part of a strong relationship is that you share successes and challenges together regularly and in equal balance. 

So you genuinely want to help your partner and they want to help you just as much in return. 

If you can see these 5 characteristics in your partner, I think you’re onto a winner!

Overcoming Relationship Doubts

To overcome relationship doubts, it’s important to take proactive steps to address and understand them. Firstly, self-reflection is crucial. Examine the source of your doubts and consider whether they are based on real issues or simply manifestations of imposter syndrome. 

Sharing your doubts and concerns with your partner can lead to deeper conversations and a better understanding of each other’s perspectives.

Seeking support from friends, family, or a relationship coach can also be beneficial. 

Talking to someone who is impartial and experienced in relationship dynamics can provide valuable insights and guidance. 

Additionally, practising self-care, setting boundaries, and engaging in activities that boost self-esteem can help alleviate doubts and create a more positive mindset.

It’s important to remember that doubts in a relationship are normal and can be an opportunity for personal growth and deeper connection. 

However, when doubts persist or become overwhelming, it’s crucial to seek professional help. A relationship coach, therapist or couples counsellor can assist in navigating complex emotions and provide guidance for making informed decisions about the future of the relationship.

If you have concerns about the impact of narcissistic manipulation around this topic, check out this piece in Men’s Health by Clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula. 

By cultivating secure characteristics, engaging in open communication, and seeking support when needed, you will be able to address and overcome relationship doubts, leading to healthier and more fulfilling connections with your partner. 

If you would like clarity on any doubts you might be having about your relationship drop me a message and I’ll be happy to offer you some advice. Or, you can find out more about the Relationship Reboot Program here.