How I work
My Approach
Education, empowerment, and tools you can actually use.
Most couples come to me after trying something that didn’t work. Usually it was talk-based, a lot of open questions, a lot of digging into the past, and not much they could put into practice between sessions. By the time they reach me, they’re usually asking the same question:
“Can someone just tell us what to actually do?”
That’s the gap my approach is built to fill.
The core idea
Understanding unlocks change
When couples are stuck in a negative cycle, they’re usually aware that the cycle exists. They can describe it. They know the argument before it happens. What they can’t do is step outside it and change it, because they’re too deep in the dynamic to see it clearly.
My job is to give you the framework that names what’s happening between you. Once you can see the pattern, really see it, with the model to back it up, you can’t un-see it. And once you can see it, you can change it.
This is what I mean when I say my approach is a mix of education and empowerment. I teach you the psychological models behind your pattern, and then I empower you to apply them yourselves. You leave the programme with a toolkit you’ll still be using years later.
“The skills learnt will never be un-learnt.”
Client review
What makes my approach different
Five things couples consistently tell me they hadn’t found anywhere else.
01
Solution-focused, not past-focused
I’m not going to spend weeks excavating your childhood. Some of that work has value, but it’s not what I do. I work with where you are now and where you want to get to.
02
Mixed methodology
I don’t sell one modality. Diploma-qualified Coach with 20+ years of skills, drawing on whatever framework fits the situation in front of me.
03
Specialist focus
I work with couples all day, every day. Not a generalist counsellor who sees a couple between clients with anxiety and grief.
04
Tools, not just talk
Every session gives you something you can take away and apply between sessions. Not a place to vent for an hour and leave with nothing.
05
One partner can shift the dynamic
If one person changes how they show up, it has a real impact on the whole dynamic. Ideal is both partners doing the work, but one is enough to start.
The frameworks I draw on
You don’t need to know any of this before we start. I introduce each model at the moment it becomes useful for you, in plain language, not clinical jargon.
Attachment Theory
Anxious and avoidant styles and how they collide in long-term relationships.
Imago Therapy
How your partner mirrors unmet needs, turning conflict into connection.
The Gottman Method
Research-backed principles for trust, conflict management and friendship.
Transactional Analysis
The adult, parent, and child states that show up in arguments unnoticed.
Positive Intelligence
Mental fitness so you can respond rather than react under stress.
The Chimp Theory
Neuroscience of why your brain hijacks your best intentions.
Trigger & stress regulation
Identifying triggers, understanding your nervous system, stepping back before things escalate.
Grounding exercises
Practical techniques to get out of your head and back into your body when things escalate.
How a session actually works
Every couple is different, but the structure is usually the same.
Before we start
Application form and discovery call. I understand what’s going on for you specifically before we design the programme. No two are identical.
Live coaching sessions
Weekly over Zoom. Each session tailored: framework you need most, applied to your situation, with specific things to try before we meet again.
Resource library
Google Drive of exercises, worksheets, videos and reference material for everything we cover. Yours to keep and reference long after the programme ends.
Unlimited messaging support
Between sessions, message me directly when something comes up. If a Wednesday-night conversation is escalating, I’m there. Included throughout the programme.
Ongoing check-ins
After the programme, many clients come back for ad-hoc check-in sessions when life throws something new. You are not abandoned at the finish line.
A note on coaching vs counselling vs therapy
Most people in the UK search for “counselling” or “therapy” when they’re looking for relationship help, so you’ll see those terms used on this site. But what I do is coaching, and the distinction matters.
My approach is structured, forward-looking, and rooted in science-based tools. It’s not open-ended talk therapy, CBT, or EMDR, those are different modalities. If you specifically need clinical therapy, I’ll tell you honestly and point you in the right direction.
What I don’t do
- I don’t do open-ended, indefinite talk therapy. My programmes run 6 to 12 weeks with a clear structure, because I want you to finish equipped, not dependent on ongoing sessions.
- I don’t take on couples where neither person wants to be there. If one of you is dragging the other, we’ll figure that out on the discovery call.
My job is to get you the tools you need in the shortest sensible time frame, and then hand the work back to you.
Does it work?
It works when both people (or one person working alone) are genuinely willing to engage. I’ve had couples certain they were done, walk out the other side reconnected. I’ve also had couples where one person’s heart wasn’t in it. No methodology in the world can fix that.
“I learned more with Stephen in six weeks than in years of counselling and therapy elsewhere.”
“Without doubt the most valuable money I’ve spent this year.”
Ready to see if this fits?
The next step is a discovery call. We’ll talk about what’s going on for you, I’ll explain how I’d approach it, and you’ll decide whether it’s the right fit.